Things I’ve seen recently

It’s been a while since I posted, here’s a rundown of cool things I’ve seen or that have happened to me recently:

• I saw an Indian lady hike up her sari and take a wee on a tree in a park at lunchtime, like it wasn’t a thing to be concerned about.
• I saw a dance group with physical disabilities lead able bodied members of the public in a version of the twist.
• I dropped a ten pence piece down the side of a cash register desk when I was paying for something and the guy spent ages trying to get it for me – despite me saying not to worry about it. In the end he went and got a pole and fished it out, and I didn’t feel like I deserved it after all that hoo-ha. I wanted to let him keep it, but it would have been an insulting tip, so I put it in the charity box. Maybe that was a weird move seeing as he spent so long trying to get my ten pence back to me, but you know. His diligent attitude probably ended up buying a child a pencil, and that’s job satisfaction if ever I heard it.

A thing that happened that was not very cool was this:

I was walking home from seeing some friends and I saw these two drunk guys shouting and pulling leaves off trees ahead of me. I crossed the road so I didn’t catch their attention but it didn’t work. One of them crossed the road and started walking directly behind me saying menacingly:

“I’m right behind you… I’m right behind you… You’d better turn around and say you’re sorry!”

I didn’t say anything, because I wasn’t sorry, and I kept walking ahead. At this point he grabbed hold of my arm and span me around. He said:

“Are you gonna say you’re sorry? Or are you going to run away?”

His eyes were bloodshot, and barely focussing, but he was very stocky and I felt like he could quite easily punch me without a good reason. I weighed up my options.

1. Try and trick his mind with words into saying he was sorry. Then give him a life changing pep talk.
2. Battle him with precision and skill, so that he is incapacitated but unharmed. Then give him a life changing pep talk.
3. Run away because I don’t know how to do 1 or 2 and I can easily outrun him because he is short and wide and drunk.

In the end I went for option three. He chased me for a while, but he was too ploddy to catch me. Once I was out of sight I hid in a shop until I thought it was safe. My friend Tim came to meet me at the end of our road, and we went home, drank a beer and talked about how it was lucky I ran away because it would have been a shame for that guy to get a broken nose.

~

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